It is rapidly approaching ladies and gents, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.
I don’t know how anyone else feels about this pepto bismol excuse of a holiday created to bring in revenue for card companies, florists, and the creepy people who make those talking teddy bears…But evidently – I think its more cheesy and off putting than moldy colby jack.
Now, I need to be upfront. This is not the bitter ranting of a heartbroken, angst filled, lonely, damsel in distress. Yes, while I may be single, no other adjectives apply here. In fact, I have been single all 18 years of my existence – and I am not complaining. Why, you may ask?
Because among other reasons, Valentine’s Day makes me feel like bugs are crawling under my skin. Instead I ask you ladies (and gents – take notes):
What are you going to do with that over sized, pink, fluffy, stuffed ‘love bug’? Sleep with it every night? Let it sit in the corner of your bedroom for all of eternity? Have fun explaining to everyone who visits your apartment that your love muffin thoughtfully got it for you and that ‘No, I’m not an eight year old plush toy collector’.
Do you want to get engaged or asked to ‘go steady’ on the same day that almost every other girl in America did? No, honey, I’m sorry you are not the only girl to get proposed to with a ring in your champagne glass.
As much as you feel that SOMEONE needs to validate you on this all important birthday of love, do you really want sketchy Craig from your Poly Sci class to give you a box of chocolates and invite you to have pizza with him in his mom’s basement?
This made up holiday is weird people! But feel free to disagree. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re watching The Notebook with Craig on a worn leather couch in his mom’s musty basement and he keeps trying stroke your hair…
Because at that point the only thing you will be thinking about besides escape routes is…
This is awkward.