We have all read them but only some of us are obliviously brave enough to post them. They are paragraphs too long, contain a few too many tidbits of personal information, and somehow seem vain and self-denigrating at the same time. I have always been on the receiving end of these posts, though. I find myself sucked in, lost in between the lines of a middle school acquaintance’s rant about a mean co-worker or a neighbor’s highly biased evaluation of American politics. We should all be taking advantage because there is an extremely large wealth of half-educated opinions out there people! And you can read them for FREE on other peoples internet profiles! Scrolling through your Facebook wall has become like walking through a hallway with people popping out of doors a holding their open diary in your face and then forcing you to read it. What a time to be alive ladies and gents. But as usual, I am getting off subject. I have wanted to try being on the writing end of the experience for once, just to see how the other side lives.

Here are a few previews:

Getting Food Safety Certified:

Hi family and friends! Today, August 8th, 2016, I reached a milestone that I am still having trouble comprehending. I can finally say after a week’s notice, countless seconds of studying in my car beforehand, trouble finding the manager on duty, and a near mental breakdown, that I AM FOOD SAFETY CERTIFIED! My certification will last one year and I am already looking forward to the renewal process. I have so many people to thank who helped me get here – this was not a certification that could be achieved alone. First of all, I want to thank my parents who told me, “Oh okay” when I told them of my dream to become food safety certified. That kind of support is rare. Mom and Dad, I love you so much! Secondly I want thank Anton – the Costco manager who administered my test. Your kind words of encouragement gave me strength as I took the five minute, multiple choice quiz of a lifetime. I will never forget the moment you printed out the certificate from the office printer and handed it to me – the paper still warm, I could feel the glow of the accomplishment. If anyone else out there is wondering if you can accomplish your dreams, know that you can! I am living proof that you can do anything you set you mind to, no matter the obstacles! Looking forward to celebrating tonight with my girls at Applebee’s for half-price apps 😛

Starting Acne Treatment:

After a serious visit to the dermatologist today, I have some sad news to share. I have been diagnosed with acne. The news was overwhelming and I didn’t know how to process it at first. What I thought was a routine check up, turned into a half an hour appointment that changed my life. I know several others who have been diagnosed with acne, so I am happy to say I have a solid support system to lean on. The other good news is that acne is curable although the treatment will change my morning and evening routines. I start an antibiotic immediately which will be followed by face cream in increasing doses as my body acclimates to the harsh medicine. This is a scary time but I’m a survivor! If anyone has any tips or kind words to share I would love to hear from you.

I keep thinking about what the responses would be like if I were to actually post one of these things…Do the people who write these kinds of posts regularly even ever think about that? And if so, how does the post make it through that mental checkpoint? Do they just think, “I’m going to post extremely personal information on my Facebook today. I bet my great aunt’s cousin and my middle school bully have a lot of helpful advice for me as I navigate this personal problem!” Even if the person posting doesn’t recognize it, everyone else is thinking…

This is awkward.